Do you know the saying, “Patience is a virtue”? Well, I often think that if patience is a virtue, then impatience must be a plague.
Have you ever suffered from that type of impatience? Impatience of the highest degree. The type where you want time to speed up and skip forward into the chapter that you know you’re made for? Like you want it all yesterday?
It’s this deep feeling or yearning for change, speed, and movement. Yet when you find yourself in a moment of calm, you don’t know what to do with yourself. Well, in one of these moments, it made me reflect, Why are we like this? Why do we constantly seek movement, change, or doing?
Is it because when we stop “doing” or feel like we aren’t moving, that we no longer feel in control? And where does the illusion of being in control come from in the first place? What is our universal need or desire behind this?
Is it because ‘control’ is the only ‘illusion’ we cling to, because otherwise, without it, life feels somewhat rudderless? Like we are floating at sea, just waiting to see where the tide takes us next? Or is it because the concept of ‘control’ anchors our very existence?
What we know vs what we do
The thing is, when we reflect rationally, we all know that we can not control anything or anyone outside of ourselves, but that sure as hell doesn’t stop us trying.
And what is the result of these efforts to “try harder,” “push more,” and “do more”? We create a sense or feeling of urgency not just within ourselves but also in the world around us. Others can feel that “urgency” from us, too.
But like everything in life, there is a duality to urgency. There is a focused, considered, and empowered action, and then there is a chaotic, dispersed, erratic urgency. There is a difference between the two. It’s a pendulum of sorts, and striking the balance takes consideration and intention. But when you strike it, you can feel it within, and others can feel it from you, too.
The focused, considered, empowered urgency is clear, it’s commanding, it’s stern, it’s forthright. It doesn’t react, it directs. The erratic, dispersed urgency is chaotic, messy, and tangled. It reacts.
The difference between empowered and disempowered
To envision the difference, imagine empowered urgency like a strong wave coming towards the shore. It breaks powerfully, it hits the exact spot that it intends to, before retreating with intention in time for the next wave to follow. The disempowered urgency is like choppy waters with rip currents and ever-changing tides, the waves overlapping and not knowing which way is up or down.
If we were to acknowledge the difference between the two urgencies, both empowered and disempowered, what would change? And how can we recognise the difference between the two for ourselves?
Well, the empowered version is strong, it’s grounded, it’s calm, it’s logical, it’s considered, and it’s proactive. The other is emotional, chaotic, reactive; it’s like getting blown around by the wind rather than learning to channel it.
Learning to observe rather than react
So how do we learn to observe and channel it rather than letting it blow us around? And how do we move ourselves into this state more regularly?
Well, first, we need to go back to impatience. When we feel that sense of impatience, that’s signaling to us that the wind is blowing again. Change is coming. Impatience is a sign. But rather than getting frustrated by the sign, we need to step back and look at what it’s trying to communicate to us. We must understand which way the wind is blowing.
Only when we understand that can we prepare and follow the direction of travel rather than trying to pull the sails from left to right.
Doing vs Being
That need for control? It comes from the desire to constantly ‘do’. But what if, to ‘do’ effectively, we had to learn to be?
And yes, that may feel uncomfortable, alien, counter-productive, lazy, boring, you name the adjective, I’ve probably thought of it. But by focusing on ‘being’ rather than doing, when we do take the action and step into that empowered sense of urgency, we’re going to hit the target with all the force, might, clarity, focus, and conviction needed.
It’s not about doing nothing; action is always required, but if we focus on aligned actions, we’ll continue to brew up so much strength so that the wave can only land with force, power, and intention.
Impatience as a teacher
So is patience really a virtue, or does impatience actually teach us more?
Because upon reflection, it teaches us that we have a desire to move, that we have a desire to control. But the thing is, we can only control how we channel impatience. Do we let it drive us forward, or do we let it pull us back?
Remember, control is an illusion; we can only control ourselves, but perhaps that’s all we ever need to master in the first place?
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