As we go through life, we’re constantly learning lessons and integrating knowledge. This is what enables us to grow, evolve, and be lifelong learners. But sometimes in life, our biggest lessons and growth opportunities come from our failures, our mistakes, our losses.
Growth is not about how many times we lose or fail, but instead, how many times we rise after a fall. While grit and resilience may force us to get back up, we’ve often skint our knees and bashed our elbows in the process. Yes, we’ve got back up again, but how often do we get back up as a battered and bruised version of ourselves? A hurt, wounded, and guarded version? A conversation last week prompted me to wonder, what if we were to get back up, but instead of holding onto the hurt, we held onto the lesson instead?
So many of us fall, whether it be in a professional or personal capacity, and these lessons can hurt, some worse than others, but what if these lessons were never meant to hurt us? What if they were trying to teach us something? A lesson that our future selves needed? An experience to grow us? But perhaps in that very moment, we just couldn’t see it yet?
Hindsight is 20:20
They always say hindsight is 20:20, and often in life, we don’t see the bigger picture or connect the dots until we look backward. We don’t see it from our current vantage point, but what if we believed that every experience, the good, the bad, and the ugly, was not sent to punish us, but instead to prepare us?
While we may want to believe this in theory, I know it can often be harder to embody in practice. We hold on to hurt because we feel raw, exposed, vulnerable. When new experiences/situations come into our lives that remind us of our past, it triggers something. Our minds, and often our bodies, remind us that the last time we took a similar risk, action, or went through a similar experience, it hurt us. We remember what happened, how we felt, and the pain that came with it. And even if we know rationally that this time is different, because, well, it’s a different experience, it’s a different person, or in fact, we ourselves are a completely different version of ourselves, then what stops us from letting go of our past pain?
What holds us back?
Is it fear? Fear of pain? Are we scared that the same thing may happen again? But where does that fear even come from? Is it our lack of self-trust? Because surely if we trusted ourselves, we would believe, or more so, know that we’ve learned our lesson, and we would have trust that we would not make the same mistake twice.
Yes, we made that mistake the first time, but we needed to experience that hard lesson once to learn. Does the very fact that we feel reluctant or apprehensive to move forward tell us that something has already changed? Are we already seeing things differently? Are we now viewing experiences from a different vantage point? From a new lens?
A different viewpoint, but have we integrated the lesson?
If we were to move forward from this new vantage point, with the lesson, not the hurt, yes, we may feel nervous, scared, or apprehensive, but what if those emotions were actually a good sign? A sign that we were moving into a new arena, a new direction, but this time with new knowledge, sharper focus, and stronger discernment. A grown, evolved version of ourselves.
It leaves me to question how else we could prepare, or gain this new perspective and life lessons if we didn’t go through life’s training ground? It’s just like a sports athlete, while they may train and prepare for all eventualities, it’s only when they get on the pitch/field that their skills are truly tested, and perhaps that’s what life is to some extent?
Perspective is key.
If we believed everything we experienced was part of our training, how would that change our perception? Would we still hold onto pain and fear in the same way? Would we still build walls and feel paralysed from moving forward? Or would we move forward in greater trust?
While we may struggle to trust ourselves at first, perhaps self-trust is one of life’s skills that we’re here to build every time we get back up and dust ourselves off. A muscle we build, not through wishing or hoping, but by getting knocked down enough times and knowing that we will get back up again as a grown, evolved version of ourselves.
Maybe it’s time we stop holding on to the hurt and hold on to the lesson instead.
If this resonated, here are ways you can hear more from me or explore working together:
- Follow me, Natalie Neilson, on Instagram/TikTok/LinkedIn/Substack/YouTube
- Tune into my podcast, The Power of You, Available on Apple/Spotify Podcasts.
- Enquire about my signature talks on growth, change, and self-leadership, helping leaders and teams to stay clear, effective, and resilient during periods of change: https://natalieneilson.com/speaking/
- Book a 1:1 growth session @ https://natalieneilson.com/
- Explore coaching approaches at scale for your teams and organisation through TTM Coaching. https://ttmcoaching.com/
Or DM/Email me for more info: nataliej@ttmcoaching.com