Have you ever felt one of those unfavourable human emotions, such as fear, shame, guilt, anger, and it’s ended up ruining your whole day, week, or even month? Have you ever felt it come over you so strongly and not known what to do with it? We often know rationally that these emotions don’t make us feel great; we can feel them dragging us down, and yet we often find ourselves absorbed by them. Somewhere deep inside us, we know that they’re harming us, but we can be guilty of asking, what’s the alternative?
Observe, don’t absorb
Emotions are just clues. They point to something deeper within that is asking to be addressed. But how often do we actually treat them as such? How often do we end up self-sabotaging by getting stuck in the negative emotion or projecting it onto others? Because while our emotions are powerful, they can also be confronting.
Emotions invite us to look within, but often that’s the last thing we want to do or the last place we want to look. So we either ignore the invitation completely, or we find ourselves trying to get rid of them by projecting them onto others, whether it be family, friends, colleagues, literally anyone, or anywhere, just as long as we don’t have to deal with them.
But I wondered what would change if, rather than something to ignore or get rid of, we saw emotions as both clues AND fuel instead?
Emotions as fuel.
I’ve often thought emotions and fuel have similar properties; they’re strong, intense, and have the power to move us. So it makes me question, have we just been using these emotions in the wrong way? A bit like taking a car into a swimming pool. Of course, a car, when used correctly, can take us to our destination, but how would we ever know that if we kept trying to drive it in the pool?
What if our emotions were the same? What if we could take all that power/energy and channel it elsewhere? Into a different form altogether? Something productive, something empowering, something alive, something tangible, something true, real, and raw.
What if we could take the emotions and energy we feel and place them into something we find purposeful and meaningful? Because our emotions are potent, they’re strong, they tell us something about ourselves. But so often we repeat the same vicious cycle: feel the negative emotion, allow it to absorb us, ignore it or project it, and then feel upset and depleted as a result. What if we tried something different instead?
The definition of insanity
We’ve all heard the saying that ‘doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome is the definition of insanity’, and yet, if we know that logically, why do we find it so hard to put it into practice? Why do we keep letting our emotions take us to the bottom of the pool rather than allowing them to lead us to the open road?
Is it because, while frustrating, sinking into them every time is predictable? And in a warped kind of way, does that predictability make us feel safe? Because deep down we know that it won’t move us forward, but hey, at least we can say we tried?
Are we trying or are we avoiding?
But is that really true? Have we really tried? If we keep trying the same thing and getting the same result, is it trying, or is it avoidance? Because if we tried driving the car on the road instead, it may actually end up taking us somewhere?
So that leaves me wondering, are we in fact afraid of where our emotions could take us if we channeled them differently? Are we afraid that taking the car on the road instead may actually (*cough*) work? And if so, why? Because isn’t that what we say we want?
Our words contradict our actions.
Behaviour is language, and our ‘language’ often demonstrates that we want to stay stuck, that we want to drown in the negative emotion. But if that’s what our behaviour is showing, then why?
Are we scared of the unknown? Are we scared that channelled differently, these emotions could take us somewhere awful? But if that were true, we must ask, what could be worse than being at the bottom of the pool again? So instead, could it be that we’re scared that they may actually take us somewhere great? Are we scared of what that journey could or would look like? Are we scared of the challenges we may have to overcome or the person we will become on that journey? Are we scared of the impact we would or could make?
But then, isn’t that why we’re here? To experience all that the open road has to offer?
It seems to me that if we were to channel our pain into purpose, we may actually be forced to experience new things, to evolve to grow, to change, and would that really be so bad?
Stepping into our potential.
If we were to ask ourselves honestly, if there were only two options available to us, to sink into our negative emotions or let them fuel us, what would we consciously choose and why?
Because when we take our pain and channel it into something purposeful, not only do we transform our own inner world, but we also transform the lives around us.
Pain is a source of fuel. How are you going to use it?
Ready to fuel growth? Here are the ways you can hear more from me or explore working together:
- Follow me, Natalie Neilson, on Instagram/TikTok/LinkedIn/Substack/YouTube. Tune into my podcast, The Power of You (Available on Apple/Spotify podcasts)
- Enquire about speaking/workshops
- Book your 1:1 growth session @ https://natalieneilson.com/
- Coaching approaches at scale for your teams and organisation through TTM Coaching: https://ttmcoaching.com/ You can also follow TTM Coaching on LinkedIn, Instagram, and YouTube.
DM me or email for more info: Nataliej@ttmcoaching.com