I’ve been reflecting this morning on the importance of building a strong and unbreakable internal foundation so that our external reality has something solid to build from and sit upon.
We’re often guilty of focusing on everything outside of ourselves first. Our client work, carpooling our kids, keeping up with the social calendar, and other ‘day-to-day’ obligations. Meanwhile, we put ourselves last; our sleep schedule, our exercise routine, and our self-care are always the first things to drop when schedules get busy.
While we all know the saying “put your oxygen mask on first before helping others”, why do we understand this in theory, yet struggle so much to put it into practice? Is it because it feels selfish and we feel guilty tending to our own needs first? And if so, why? Where does the guilt come from? And is that feeling even truly ours? Or is it instead the conditioning we’ve been fed? We want to be good humans, manage all the spinning plates, and help others in the process, but somewhere along the line, we forgot that to be a good human for everything and everyone else, we need to be a good human to ourselves first.
When things get busy, nourishing ourselves is the first thing that falls off. But why do we treat ourselves with such contempt? Would we ever let anyone else down as much as we do ourselves? When we skip our gym session, or stay up late scrolling instead of getting our sleep, why is the first narrative we tell ourselves “Well, it’s only me” instead of “IT’S ME!!!” Why do we pacify ourselves with this deprecating talk? Why do we accept our own poor behaviour that erodes our self-trust at every turn?
Why do we put everyone and everything else first, to the detriment of ourselves? And if we do actually put ourselves first, why do we then continue to punish ourselves and hit ourselves over the head with guilt about it? Where are we seeking permission from something or someone else externally to tell us that it’s okay? that we’re allowed!? And where does this need for permission even come from in the first place? Is it that somehow the need for permission puts a barrier or block in our way, and while we say we don’t want blocks/barriers in our lives, where are our actions contradicting our words? Because let’s face it, if we have blocks, barriers, and problems to solve, then we don’t have the space and capacity to make our impact.
So is the crux really that we struggle to put ourselves first? Or is it that we’re actually terrified of the space and capacity that putting ourselves first creates? Because when we have space and capacity, we have no excuses left, nobody or nothing else to blame. We are left to look at ourselves clearly, deeply, and honestly. Our reflection staring back at us, square in the eye. Because when we have space, we have freedom, and freedom gives us the space to explore, and exploration helps us find our way to our gifts and what we’re here to deliver to the world.
So next time you find yourself putting yourself to the bottom of the pile, ask yourself why, and truly why? Not that you’re busy, that you ‘should’ or you ‘have to’, but really, WHY are you doing it? Putting yourself first isn’t selfish; it is, in fact, selfless. It’s not because we don’t care, but instead because we do. Because when we put ourselves first, we give to the world from a place of overflow rather than depletion, and maybe that’s what we’re afraid of most?
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