You can’t judge a book by its cover, or so they say. But isn’t that how we move through the world? We meet people, and immediately our brains try to put people into buckets.
“Oh, they’re a mum, a dad, a teacher, a leader, an entrepreneur”. Whatever it is, we find ourselves trying to put labels on ourselves and others.
Sometimes I think it’s our brain’s way of coping, almost as if we can’t handle the depth and dimensions of both ourselves and those we find in front of us.
It’s almost like the world (and everyone in it) couldn’t cope or handle all our sides and dimensions. I’ve shared before, and I will share it again, as humans, we are multidimensional. We don’t fit neatly into a bucket or a genre. We can be fun and hard-working, we can be ambitious and appreciate downtime, we can be easy-going and take things seriously.
There is not just one part or side to us, but why do we find ourselves so often conforming, dulling ourselves down to what we perceive that both ourselves and society can handle?
Taking a shortcut, but at what cost?
It’s nobody’s fault; we’re all guilty of it. Our brain is trying to help us; it’s trying to save us from information overload, it’s trying to shortcut and take the quickest and most seamless path, but I often wonder, what do we miss out on because of this tendency? What do we not see in the world and others, but most importantly, what do we not see in ourselves? Where are we trying to package ourselves into the neatest, most appealing cover? Where are we trying to place ourselves so that we can maximise or minimise our readership, depending on how we’re feeling?
But if we’re constantly trying to find the perfect ‘cover’ and the perfect positioning, what are we missing out on by not showing ourselves in our entirety? Do we miss out on the people who appreciate that silly/fun side of us? Do we miss out on the people who can see and appreciate our caring/kind nature?
When we create the cover for our book, what are we omitting?
What part of ourselves are we not showing? Whether it’s through fear of judgment, fear of being seen, fear of being vulnerable, or perhaps the fear of being introspective in the first place.
Often, we don’t put ourselves on full display as a defence mechanism, because if we don’t show every part of us, somehow it feels safer, less exposed, less vulnerable. Because if others don’t like the cover, we can at least tell ourselves, “Well, they don’t know the real me anyway.” It’s almost like we are subconsciously telling ourselves, “Well, I can’t be rejected if I don’t show myself in my entirety.”
And while I understand this and have found myself with the same thoughts and predicament, I wonder what we are forgoing and what we are missing out on by not showing ourselves in our entirety. By not feeling fully ‘heard’ or ‘understood’, whether it be by friends, family, colleagues, or, most importantly, ourselves. Because how can we be fully seen or understood if we don’t fully share? And how can we fully share if we don’t fully know or explore?
Who are we?
A friend recently shared a quote with me from a book she was reading talking about an individual putting on a front or a ‘cover’ for the world as they went to work, and in it the character shared the quote “because only I know myself in my entirety” It’s almost like we would rather be accepted for someone we’re not rather than rejected for who we really are and again, are we subconsciously telling ourselves that it has to be either one of these two extremes?
Sure, maybe not everyone will get us, understand us, or enjoy our genres. Perhaps they will still try to put us into a new ‘bucket’, or maybe they won’t, as they’re likely too busy focusing on themselves. We often forget that we’re the main characters of our own lives, not everyone else’s.
What is the real fear?
Regardless of the response, is this a smokescreen? Rather than fearing others’ responses, do we instead fear exploring and understanding ourselves in our entirety? Because when we see ourselves in full colour, with the images sharpened and contrast on point, we have no choice but to step forward into our potential. So is it really that we’re afraid of others, or instead are we afraid of ourselves? Because when we see ourselves in full colour, and we read every page, there is nowhere to hide.
We could be at the front of the bookstore or the back. It doesn’t matter, our stories are here to be read, but that’s scary. So we feel safer to put on the “cover”, stay at the back, and “blend in”.
If we were to start to explore the pages of ourselves and read them in their entirety, how would that change how we show up in the world? What would our ‘cover’ look like then?
Your book was here to be read. Every single page, so yes, we say “Don’t judge a book by its cover,” but perhaps if we look more closely, perhaps we’ll find it’s the author who has already made the judgments, not the reader.
Don’t stay in black and white, explore your pages in full colour.
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